Why

Sometimes Iwonder why you still like me. When you visited me you told me a lot of the things you hated in people. A lot of things you told me were the things that I was.

You said you can't handle being in the same room of someone who doesn't know what they want in life.

I have know idea what i want in life.

You said you would just rather skip that teenager life.

I want to stay and have a teenager life.

You said he was the first person you ever had a great time talking to.

We talk all the time, so have we never had a good time talking.

You said if you two decided to date then you probably wouldn't have seen me this summer and staied with him.

Those things just make me wonder.

all i need

You treat me so wonderful and nice. You will always be there for me and I am so lucky to have friends like you. When news gets worse you are there to make it better. Even though there are the times when I just don't know what is up with you, and I wonder why you wont tell me. My mind starts filling in the blanks and im left with you just don't trust me. But then I just remind myself I do the exact same and know that my mind is completly wrong. You are one of the best things that has ever happened in my life.

I love laying in our oddly shaped circles and just being so peaceful with eachother. We are so comfortable with eachother. I love these moments

That's the game. Goodbye and thank you for coming

This week wasn't the best week. I got bad news right from left and had no idea to handle it. When ever i think about it i start crying. I try not to show it a lot of the times but there are those times when it cannot be hidden and it just explodes out of you.

It's good news then it's bad news. Now It's only down hill from now. My mouth is clenched tight and will never relax. My mind will not sleep like it normaly would; It's always awake and running away from the problem but winds up running back toward the problem.

I need to get away to somewhere I have never been to.

you keep me loving life

I was just thinking of how wonderful this year will be and is, even though there has been those moments that you just want to erase from your mind. You all have been so helpful in your own way by helping me go over this bump. Because of you guys i am able to look forward in the future and smile. I'm very lucky to have friends like you, i wonder how many people can say that and truly mean it. When we aren't together or haven't seen eachother for a long time i feel like apart of me is missing. This weekend is the worst. I can't wait till monday.

We have so many plans for this year and i know each one of them will be fantastic. I can't wait, it's killing me, but i wouldn't want to speed up time. Thats just a waste of those small moments with you guys that i love the most. I love you all :)

लाइफ

The meaning of life is not to survive.

The meaning to life is just, to be.

I have been thinking of deeper meanings in everyday life. Why it's raining and why it suddenly changes to sun. Is it mixed in with our feelings or emotions. Rain representing fear, depression, anger, something bad is going to happen. Sun representing things getting better, happiness, relaxation. And for ever long it last's in a day. For example, if it rains for a long time then starts misting until the sun comes out it means that something unpleasent would happen for a long time but you slowly get over it in due time and ready to grow again.



Dreams have a lot of meaning. Some of them are straight up this is what will happen, and others having to go deep to find out what it means.

One dream i had and still remember to this day was when i was still living in Boise, Idaho and was about 10-12 years of age. This is all of what i remember.

It's dark and mysterious, and i crawl out of bed afraid. When I'm at the door the floor is gone and big phychodelic mushrooms pop out of the floor. Under the mushrooms it's boiling green liquid. I hopped on the mushrooms trying to get to my parents room which was just down the hall. It seemed like the room was never ending and I was stuck jumping from shroom to shroom, trying not to fall in the boiling liquid. But I never gave up and ran faster to the room then suddenly stopped to look behind me and it was black. The mushrooms slowly dissapeard and I turned back around and walked, but still wasn't going any where. I was never able to reach my parents room.



This dream was an on going dream that forever I never really paid attention to, but always had it stuck in my mind, now I went into a deep thought about it and came up with some sybolization on what it all meant.

Me running to my parents was representing support or comfort which i could never get to the point of satisfaction. It can also mean that i am turning into an adult and have to deal with my own problems and not always relying on other people to fix them.

I was oviously scared in the begginging, which can mean scared of whats happening next in life. but then i started slowing down and started walking which represents me being fine and comfortable with how my life is going, or just tired and don't care what happens in life because it has all been the same in the past.

Me looking back might mean me regreting things that i have done, but can't go back to fix things. Me turning around is me excepting the fact that i have made mistakes but i shouldn't linger in the past and just enjoy what is happening now.

The shrooms probably mean that well life will be phychodelic but be responsible for what you do or else you can hurt your self by falling in the boiling green liquid.