something i need to start doing.

at this moment, there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world
some are running scared
some are coming home
some tell lies to make it through the day
others are just now facing the truth
some are evil men, that war with good
and some are good, struggling with evil
6 billion people in the world 6 billion souls and sometimes,
all you need is one.

our pretty words

This is the story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done & Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought that Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody, when Nobody did what Anybody could of done.

i don't know what to do

hello old friend

first entry in a few months. nothing to talk about, just missed the sound of me typing out my thoughts. you are here for me to let out my thoughts and i left you in the dust. many times i needed to be with you and to tell you something and listen to you make your typing noises of understandance. that is what you are made for. expressing others self.

lets join minds and create a masterpiece

i can't wait for all the activities we are going to do this summer. and all the attempts to make a couple bucks. the LImonade stand will be fun. i've never did that childhood lemonade stand to make money for the coolest toy you ever saw. but i am very excited to "experience it" with you. and i am sure some other money making idea will pop in our heads and we will achieve to do it.

DANCING is going to be the one of the highlights of the summer. going to the performance saturday to see Kings Krew will be the start of that adventure. and when i get back from boise we will start our dancing again!!

the country fair is going to be bi-far the most craziest adventure we are going to go on. getting ready, picking out an outfit, makeup, camera, meeting new people. going on some cool adventures. anything could happen only if we want and make it happen.

the rest of the summer we will fill the rest of the time with mini adventures that will be amazing and fun. maybe 1 or 2 or maybe 7 or more parties.. hmm. ;)

this will be one of my best summers. its good to have FRIENDS like you. we are good FRIENDS

i already miss you.

you've only been gone a day but memories keep popping up of the good times and the sayings you say that just have a sense of sticking around.

our friendship has grown so much this year. so many fun times and hard times. we hang out basically everyday, it is going to be weird and hard not going to be able to see your for a month and a few weeks.

haha and i want to hear you get back from mexico so i can hear what you sound like. speaking spanish for only a few hours and you couldn't really talk. speaking spanish for a whole month...i don't know how its going to be. haha "hey gurls" haha

gone only one day and i already feel like something is missing.

have fun in mexico and sweet home alabama.

i got the taste of the crazies

pain, pain, pain.
annoyances, pain.
warm rain on my back feels so nice.
need to lay down in the rain,
feels so nice.
music, music, music.
the sound of music sooths my head.
sitting in the boat where it rains quietly listening.
relaxing in the boat. hunger.
boredom, pain, annoyances.
walking in the grass, pacing myself.
back and forth i walk. forget.
feels nice, but only for a moment, then more pain.
stressfully walking back and forth, bordering the yard.
im a marker coloring in the box which is the yard.
foot in water. feels so nice.
eyes see hose. idea.
grass is thirsty, give it a glass of water, bucket or water, hose of water.
my feet felt the water and it was complete extacsy.
more, more, more. going overboard.
thigh deep in water. an artificial rain storm
back and forth.
wanting, waiting. puddels
cold rain feels nice but my mind still thinks of warm.
had enough, still want more.
too cold. run to shelter, warm by the fire.
music is nice. pace back and forth in my room,
feeling the music take over my body.
dancing. jumping on my bed. dancing
hunger. pickels..yuck, maybe with tuna.. yum
tea would be nice.
hurry into the boat. nothing but my vest.
raining again. warmth felt good. boat is feeling up.
swimming in the little boat. relaxing in the little boat.
sleep. music comes. sounds so familiar.
lovely noises surround me.
purple is for roalty. i am a princess.
wearing my big necklaces. its raining up. water in my eyes.
half dry. need glasses. scavenger hunt for big glasses. red.
foggy can't see. who needs to see when i feel so nice.
feed me something. tuna sandwhich appears.
eating in the pool
half hidden, half in the open
taste good, i need a break, taste again.
all gone
relax. listen. no pain. leave.
im sane once more.

im not use to this

after a long period of keeping my thoughts in my head. it is wierd to write them down.
sometimes it doesn't come out right, or sometimes it doesn't even make sense.

i just need to start writing on this again to share me thoughts the way my thought actually are in my head.

"ugh stop complaining Amara!"

when i hear all the bad stories dealing with family situation, i start to think how stupid i am to complain about mine. i have a good life and i am just taking it for granted and fighting for no reason.

my life is so normal, i am just another annoying teenager that complains that their life sucks when other teenagers would kill to have a life i have. even though i had a weird childhood it still beats many other kids childhoods. i still am envious of other peoples life that are better than mine, but that is all i want "things i can't have" and once i get the chance to have them i don't want them, or if i have them i want something better. it really makes me sick to my head.

a black hole is falling on me! i am not falling into a black hole!

bad things happen at random times. right now is one of those not so good times.

i like pets because you can name them anything you want.

.

in other peoples minds

most people that know me think of me as a free spirit. i like to think that, but the truth is that i have all these ropes tying me down. the knots are so tight that i might never be free. 50 pound boulders are slowly being loosen up and i am starting to feel the difficulty to breath. staring off in space thinking of a better place to be then here, or there.
i wish i were a child again who found happiness in small things, and also would stop and smell the roses from time to time. now im not sure if my happiness is real are i just make it seem real. my false actions trick my mind and my lie will become a false truth. i soon will believe in my lies and i become fake. just like any other teenager. they become fake so they can feel they belong in this world. their spirit has become caged and waits for someone to save them and make them feel home again.
i have become a caged fake soul waiting for someone to bring me inside from the blizzard, that is going on in my head.

bus strangers.

this is pretty much the story of my life. i am often the one that doesn't have any stories or things to say, at least that is how i feel or think of it. i am usually the listener. don't get me wrong, i love to listen and observe everything, it is probably the best past time. but its nice to have things new to talk about that i have experienced.

i love to talk with random people on the bus it is so entertaing and the people have so many interesting stories they have to tell. but i normally don't start the conversasion. it is usually the other person. some time i want to be the conversasion starter. but i have to have a story first, or have to share a common interest. but when i have a story it is so hard to tell because i can't explain things easily. that is probably why i like to listen and observe people because it is so much easier. this post is probably a little different in the wording and might be hard to read at times. it is only because i can never say something just right. it is perfect in my head but whenever i try to verbalize it, the words come out all jumbled or ill forget what i should say next.

i just have horrible conversasion skills and its hurting. i am a girl of change and that is what i want to change about myself. coversation skills, having a sweet story and another thing is to remember things easily. so my story can be like how I witnessed or experienced it.

two little signs sitting in a flower patch.

"Is the world calling your name?"

"Seek help."

major things to think about...

i just want you to know.

we might never again be as close as we used to be... but i just wanted you to know that you saved my life.

this is for everyone. but especially for you.

i love when i learn an instrument and we can just play music together and sing along to songs we know.

even though you get a lot of shit from family members you are still my favorite.

i see the good in you and all your love for the world and environment.

you are trying to help the world by yourself and really sometimes you don't get the support you need. it saddens me to know that people can be so cruel.

i will help you save this messed up world the best i can so you won't have to go it alone.

someday we will play a whole song together without messing up inbetween.

i love you

teenagers of hell

i am really not liking all the complaining that has been going on in my life. it makes me down and just so annoyed.

• home
• siblings
• daughters/son
• husband/wife
• mother/father
• friends
• weather
• clothes
• food
• money
• house/tidiness
• not having enough
• vacations
• school

things like that are extremely annoying, and makes me into a horrible person because i will start to complain. it is the only environment that i am being surrounded in; i am being sucked in to the teenage hell we create.

judgements. that is another really big thing in my life that gets really annoying. do people only judge out loud so they can feel cool or better of themselves. why can't we keep that business to ourselves at least we would feel better about ourselves and we wouldn't start anything with anybody or get the wrong impression with someone. or wouldn't have someones self esteem go down.

that is another typical teenage action that builds the hell we live in.

we start random drama that lasts for a long time even when we think it is gone it really is still in the back of our mind and waiting for the opportunity to spring into action.

we kill peoples self image with only a few words. teenagers are murderers of emotions.

if we see a weakling we automatically charge and go for the kill. and then leave them to feel all the scratches and the bite marks. we leave them feeling hopeless about life.

they were once this shinning little star now have been spit on and walked all over they become dull and people don't see them anymore, they hide behind the crowd finding a way to leave and get away from such hell.

teenagers are angels and demons. we do both good and evil. for mostly no reason except to feel the feeling of having that kind of "power".

the vacuum is on maximum power and sucking every young life into its dark and dusty abyss.

the number 11

michael you have officially cursed me with the number eleven.

i see it all the time now. it's not only 9:11 its all the time dealing with 11.
it's actually really freaking. and sort of funny i guess.

i wonder if time is telling me something and it happens around when it is 11 minutes in. maybe i have to look for signs.
i always look for deeper meaning in things.
it is more fun to think about random things. it keeps your mind occupated from subjects you don't want to think about.

backyard ninjas.....

You guys should come through my backyard more often.

Haha that was fun just those random thoughts you two have.

Ha I love them.

I want them.

You two are so amazing.

Im glad we have eachother and that we are friends.

See you tomorrow.

The Four Agreements

BE IMPECCABLE WITH YOUR WORD
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and the actions of others, you won't be the victim of the needless suffering.

DON'T MAKE ASSUMPTIONS
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

ALWAYS DO YOUR BEST
Your best is going to change from moment to moment, it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.


This book has taught me so many helpful things. It has made me wiser and happier.
Definitely a good read.

It really bothers me how bipolar my family can be. Today seemed to be going very good, there were those moments that were just annoying. But it turns into negativity so fast. It seems like they have some dilusional pleasure in fighting and making people hurt badly inside. I try to make things better and put some sense in there mind but it seems to soak out their ears.



I hate how you act like you are fucking god ruler of life and humanity. The truth is you are so low to the ground people could walk over you and not notice anything. When you are in the mode I truly can careless about you, I hate you, and will try to make your life misirable in the most truthful and humaine way. I will tell you shit you probably would never want to hear out of your own child and literally not give fuck. "Your precious first child" is growing up and growing smarter each day. I've found ways to protect my younger siblings so they won't have to go through the shit and torture you put us through. I will literally go rabies style on you both if you ever hurt them for non-excusible reasons. If you ever strike or fight with me I'm going to pack my bags and leave. I know people that will let me stay with them if i need to and there are so many places where people will respect me, let me be me, will never hurt me the ways you have.



I can't and I won't take your shit any more. But I have become so numb and dead that I just do what you want me to do or say what you want me to say because I can't take being put down or hurt anymore.